A way out
by SnarryMoreidLover
Summary: after Maeve died Reid couldn't go on. he needed a way out. warning major character death drug abuse no slash depression Reid/Maeve


**Disclaimer**: I don't own Criminal Minds, its characters or all related logos and trademarks, etc.

**Warnings**: major character deaths, drug abuse, depression

"**A way out"**

"_**When I die, don't come near my body. Because my hand may not be able to wipe your tears anymore."**_

I can't stand this anymore. I need to find a way get from here. No one notice that anything is wrong or how much I'm hurting. Even with my friends and co-workers who are profilers they can't figure out. I hide my feelings very well since I don't want them to find out and worry. But I can't stand this empty feeling. After Maeve's death I couldn't go on. It hurt too much. Everyone I love or care about leaves at one point or another, my dad, my mom in a way, Gideon, Elle, Emily and now Maeve. So I have to use to it but I'm not. Oh how I wish could just cave in into my cravings. But I can't let down my family and friends like that. But wait everyone leaves at some point so why shouldn't I too. I should just give in to the sweet relief that Dilaudid can give me. I just have to numb the pain for a while, while I'm on leave to grieve my own way. It's the only way that I can cope. I wish that someone, anyone can see that I need help but I'm too scare to ask for. I just want someone to notice to say something. But they don't so I'm stuck inside my mind which is one of my own downside. I can see the replay of Maeve dying.

So I take the easy way out and I use Dilaudid again. At first I'm feeling guilty for going to a dealer one the bad side of town to buy but I tell myself that it's just to numb the pain nothing else. So after buying four bottles from a random dealer, I go to a ding little pharmacy to buy a pocket of needles. Then I head home. I know that my team is going to check up on me sometime soon but I don't care. Once home I head to the bathroom, fill up one of the needles, get it ready and tie the rubber band on my arm. Then I inject l let go of the rubber band and I enter sweet relief. I passed out and when I check on the time on my phone. It's the next afternoon and I have a couple missing calls and text messages from my friends. They were trying to check up on me so I send them a text message saying I'm fine no I don't want to see anyone.

After that I ready another dose to shoot up and enter sweet heaven. This time it didn't last as long I ready another one with a larger dose and shoot it up. It makes me pass out for a much longer time this time it's the next evening. I don't even bother to check my phone. I can see Maeve in front of me. She is telling me that it's my fault that she died. She is telling me that if she never met me than she would still be alive. That she would prefer that I would have died instead of her. Dilaudid doesn't even help me. I can hear her screaming and all the other people I couldn't save in the job telling me that I should have tried hard, got there sooner to save to help me. That I don't even deserve to keep on living, so I do the only thing that helps me, I drown their voices with Dilaudid. I keep injecting does after does and when that does work then I drink the last bottle. I then fall into this sleepy haze and I feel like a heavy black blanket is covering me.

When I come to I can hear pounding and banging in on the front door but I can't move or do anything all I see is fog and …Maeve? I go toward her and ask "what are you doing here?" "I'm here for you it time go on", she said. But I didn't get what she was said so she showed me. And what I saw has weird cause we were standing near my body. My body was in Hotch's hands and Rossi was helping him tried to see is they could still have save. But even I knew that it was too late. I could see everyone mourning my lost, from Hotch crying freely while on the phone to Rossi comforting a hysterical JJ to Blake hugging her own self and crying softly then to Morgan hugging and comforting Garcia who has fallen to the floor. They all are saying the same thing "oh spencer why did you do this." Even Maeve said it, "Oh spencer, why did you kill yourself why you had so much to live for." "Cause I couldn't live without you here Maeve I couldn't live with the guilt that it was my fault that you got killed." "It's was not your fault it was Diane's fault not your fault." With her I could feel safe warm numb from pain and comfort. Then I look at the door and I see Emily walking in with her hand to her crying and asking why.

Maeve and I are now walking down a tunnel on the way to heaven walking hand in hand. I feel bad for leaving my friends and mom behind I know that they well get over it. But I could have never gotten over Maeve's death. Here we are entering heaven all I can say is "I'm home, I'm finally home"

"_**Let no one weep for me or celebrate my funeral with mourning; for I still live, as I pass to and fro through the mouth of men. – Quintos Emius**_

**AN:** I'm sorry for taking so long time come up with my story but here it is. It's all finish because life was catching up with me. Also I'm going too tried with a supernatural multi chapter story but I still don't know I'll think about. Send me a PM is you think that I should try to go along with the multi chapter story.


End file.
